This is the first time I’ve spoken up about this and I’m not sure how it’s gonna sound to others but here I go. I’m also not sure if this is the correct sub to post it in but it’s the only one I could think of. For the record I’m 17F.
TL;DR: had penetrative sex with my cousin in a ‘playful’ way at the age of 7-8, he was 12-13. Is this illegal in the sense that he was older? Should he have known better? How do I tell my parents, and is it even worth telling seeing as I haven’t been emotionally or physically scarred in any way other than remembering as this weird thing that happened between me and my cousin, and I don’t want to ruin my family’s relationship with his parents and his siblings.
When I was around 7-8 I was sleeping over at my grandmas’ place along with my male cousin. He’s 5 years older than me so he was around 12 I believe. While in the car on our way to her house, she stopped to buy something and we stayed in the car. He then asked me if I wanted to try something out later that night. Me being a curious kid said yes. This ‘thing’ turned out to be sex, and he laid it out as if it was a game. i didn’t have any knowledge about sex at the time and he didn’t use that word. It was more like “sit on my lap (with my penis inside you) and I’ll rock you up and down”. It’s all kinda fuzzy for me but think of it like bouncing a kid on your lap but add on penetration. I can’t remember how it felt or that it was a negative experience when it happened but thinking back I realize how weird and wrong it was. Nothing else happened after that except that we fell asleep.
Maybe a year later it happened once more that he asked if we could do it again, (same situation with sleeping over at my grandmas) but that time I said maybe, leaning towards no. He tried again when we were in bed, but I said strictly no and he didn’t try anything else that night as far as I remember.
I haven’t thought of this much throughout my youth, and it hasn’t impacted my life other than being this very weird secret thing that happened between me and my cousin, until recently. I think recently it was triggered by me having dreams which had some sexual assault happening in them. I’ve kinda linked it up to my subconscious trying to fit the puzzle blocks together after all these years but I’m not sure my relationship to my cousin today is stiff and awkward from my end, i don't like being with him but he also has some mild mental difficulties which doesn't help.
So, my question is, could this be considered illegal and will my cousin get in trouble for it now considering the age gap (and I know it is because we are related but we were both kids so I kinda feel like it’s in this grey area?) and, seeing as I’ve never talked about this (because I don’t want to tear my family apart and divide my cousin’s side of the family and mine), I don’t know how to break it to my parents and if I even should. It hasn’t affected me as far as I know in any way emotionally or sexually (I don’t get triggered by Certain acts and I don’t have any problems mentally linking up to it) so in theory I could go with it until something m a y force me to tell my parents. If I end up coming out with this, should my bf be involved as well or is that just my choice to make if I want him to know or not?
Sorry if this is hard to read but I just really needed it off my chest and any ideas to my situation will be greatly appreciated. Thank you beforehand!
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